I Can't Tell You How Much I Just Want To Write Right Now. . .

. . or maybe I can.

I just want to write.
I want to close my eyes and let the words just flow out of my fingertips.
Here goes:
That is the one advantage to typing over writing. As long as I don't think too hard about the letters themselves, I can type extremely well without peeking. I guess I didn't have to worry so much when I was in the Fourth grade typing class I took, it all turned out alright in the end.
I was recently reunited with a cd of mine called "rain's Musical massage". And as I sit here, I feel like I could almost will it to be the middle of summer and pouring rain right outside my cracked bedroom window. Just enough for the sound and smells to come pouring in over my face as I breathe in the clarity and the newness. The world turned quiet, the warm air mixing with cool water, the freshly cut grass and wet pavement.
I miss summer right now.
Summer still seems to hold on to it's childlike possibilities. Even though budgets and other adult things try to infringe upon its seemingly endless hours of hope and possibilites, Summer remains a time of exploration, of excitement, of trying new things and enjoying long afternoons of old things. Summer means time at home, inside the house or in the outdoors. Summer means warmth. Sun, oh and the break of summer on my shoulders and my cheeks, red with the season's first twinge of redness still radiating the heast off my cheeks.
All while the rain falls gently into puddles. And the thunder rolls over the blanketed sky, enfolding the flashes of light in with the air, thick like icecream for my lungs and face.
Hush, as the rain pulls me away from the worn-out day.
Breathe in the sweetness, as out flows the dry, fruitless air that once filled these lungs.
Wash away the worried, distracted self, seeking the aide and attention of the world. Let the soft rainfall dilute my thougts into droplets, that dissapate into the silence of the new earth. Clensed, peaceful and prepared for whatever may come tomorrow. Tomorrow, when the sunset and night will be just a passing memory, and the sunrise will bring hope, peace, renewal, and a fresh look at everything.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow I will find myself washed up on the shores of a new me. The sun will warm the moist air and illuminate the path one more step.
Tomorrow
can hardly wait to be
today.

How My Brain Works

For some reason, I've thought of my mind as a large secretary's room.
There's a nice desk at the front where I sit.
But the rest of it is an endless sea of filing cabinets. Some of them are in alphabetical order, but most are grouped by people, events, and periods of my life. That part doesn't really matter so much.
Whenever I think of something, I imagine I've retrieved the file and it's open on my desk. As long as I'm thinking about it I leave it open there so I can leaf through it. Generally I have at least two or three thought files open; sometimes to cross reference 'cleaning the room' with 'what I'll do tomorrow' and of course 'what I should eat next' is frequently fun to leaf through.
When I'm driving "basic driving skills" is open, so I can occasionally remember the 10-and-2 rule I etched on a page from driver's ed classes. But then 'music and rhythm' is open on top of that and "singing lessons" usually is open there too. And recently the "what do I want in a car" file is open as well.
Sometimes though, driving is the best time to start putting away folders. Every day needs wind closing time, when I take a few minutes to straighten the thought pages, or shuffle them into the right folders and file them back away.
I lose a lot of papers though, having so many files open at once. Most passing thoughts are not recorded in complete sentences, scribbled on bits here and there, or they are thoughts but never find a place to be filed, so they are recycled and sometimes they blow around when the air conditioning turns on the next day. but most I never find again.

So, I'm sorry if I forget your birthday or new last name. I probably filed it under "awesome" instead of "best friends" last time I was thinking about you!